Page One

Looking at the white blank page for months, wondering where to start, and what to write. It's because this feelings I have, I just can't put it down in words, I have never felt this way before, this is crazy. I honestly don't know what I did that I deserve this guy. I remember every single detail about us, everything. The day we first meet, oh man.. that was perfect, one of the best day I had since I met him. 

Perfect blue sky, covered with white, soft clouds, with a hot chocolate in my hand, I can never forget that day. Two days before christmas, where I run around the house with my sweatpants.. it was on Thursday, I believe. I get a call from Janel, telling me to dress up, and get ready.. when all I wanted to do is watch some movies with my baby, Nero, he's a toy poodle, old but cute. I told her I made plans, but she knew me too well, after 15 minutes, she showed up in my front yard. I know her since we were in collage, we live together, well technically she live with me. She's the queen of every club, she loves to party, yet she is a very smart lady. It's kind of hard to find a friend like her, we share a lot of things, I even share my ex boyfriend with her, but that doesn't even matter anymore, they broke up too. My ex ruined my life, not exactly...but he changed me, not in a good way, more in the negative way. I hated him, so I don't even care anymore, we're still friends, my ex and I.. so then I introduce him to Janel. Janel is the bomb! thats what my friends and I call her when we were in college though. Everbody love her, cause she have the perfect body and boobs, so yea..she's a player too, not a bitch but more like a player. Ok... back to the first day my future husband and I meet. So Janel pops up, with of course her 458 spider. She already dressed up, looking clean and sexy as always. 

"Why aren't you dressing up?the party starts in 2 hours..God Joy!"

"I don't feel like going anywhere, I made plans with Nero.."

"Nero will definitely fell asleep while watching your sad romantic movies, you watch The Notebook and One Day every the end of the month, even Nero had enough...come with me, please..."

"Who will look out for him if we go out?? I'm not leaving Nero alone..."

"Seriously??stop making excuses..get your ass up there and get ready!now!"

"Fineee.. but it will take me 2 and a half hour to get ready, cause I don't know what to wear, haven't figure it out yet."

"OHMYGOD!! get in the shower, I'll choose the dress...I'm not gonna leave you sitting here all day watching another pathetic movies."

Making my way to the car, Janel thinks we were too pretty to drive, so we ask our long term drive, Chris to drive us to the party. I look at the time, it's only 18:30 then I ask her where are we going, she wouldn't tell me, one thing for sure we were not going to club. 

Well... a little bit of a change won't hurt ;-)

Singapore wasssss ffunnn! So funn.. I'm not in a mood to post pictures..you just go check out my instagram..so I was thinking.. instead of writing about mere.. why don't I write some random story..well more like a love story.. I'm gonna post 2 chapter in a week, or maybe three.. We'll see how it goes ;*

ITS OVER!

OOOOOOHMYGOD! can you believe this? second semster is finally overrrrrrr like o-v-e-r!time flies too damn fasttt don't you think? this is crazzzzyy!today is like the best day in this semester! it's two of my favorite people birthday's...and last day of schoolllll..well at least for this semesterrrr!so hyppeddddd. I can finally turn of my alarm, and sleep all day, and not to worry what homework to do today..at least my bitches and I can rest a little..talking about the bitchessss..my bitches and I are having a short trip!!very excited.. we r planning to go to like the sea world or something like that in Singapore..and have a nice dinner there and swim with the dolphins..its gunna be awesome fun! I'm gonna post a lot of picture of our trip I guess..so.. my dad is coming with us, I know I know.. i'm daddy's little babyyy..but look at the bright side???I bring the whole ATM with me.. lol if you know what I mean ;) I wonder what will he do if i'm going out with my friends all day.. its not like he's gunna follow me everywhere I go..right??oh well..I'm meeting my old buddies tomorrowwww!yeay I miss them so muchhh..they were like the only reason I wanna go to school when I was in junior high..not one single day I spend without laughing my ass outtt..hehe! okay thennn!I'm gunna lay down, watch movies, waste my timee..and hangout with my family..yall have a great weekend! : ) chiao!

Academy of Art University

I LOOOOOOOOOVE FOOD! I mean who doesn't????right right riggghhhhtttt.. my love for food is likeeeee...ughhhh indescribable... sooooo I don't really know what to write.. I have a lot of things to say, yet don't know where to start.. I'm watching Revenge right now... : ) all time favvvveee!

GUYS! does any one of you go to AAU (Academy of Art University)? maaaygawdd I've been dying to go there, take my double degree...so I've been talking to this guy from AAU about it, well not exactly talking tho, more like we email each other sometimes..I'm thinking to take Fashion journalism but yea.. so last week they emailed me, that they're having a live streaming from AAU special for students abroad.. but I was not at home when I get the email..I was with my mom..so we were on our way to somewhere, I asked her about the uni.. she wasn't really supporting, I mean I don't know why though..she said there is no way I can go there, unless I get a scholarship and thats freaking impossible.. It was heartbreaking when your mom doesn't support you to go to your dream school.. for a minute I thot, so I'm pretty much stuck in here... I called my dad the night after, he was like..nothing is impossible, well you can't always get what you want..but we'll see what happened and all dat kinda stuuufff.. my dad was ok about it, he's very wise about it.. I'm gonna work my butt off this semester, hopefully it will all be worth it at the end...you know what they say..what comes easy is never worth it..rite??

Oh, it's nothing..really

I need you to look at me in the eye and tell me that everything is going to be alright, that I have nothing to be afraid of, that you'll love me forever with all your life..I become greedy and selfish when it comes to you. You know that I love you, I always have. You know that leaving me would only make me more miserable, you know that you're the only person I trust, you do know that only the thought of you leaving me, scared me to death. I'm not perfect, I make a lot of mistake, I know I should learn from my mistakes..I know I'm not a great girlfriend, but I can try to be one..you know...I can try...to be perfect, for you..I have nothing to be proud of, one thing I can be sure of, I have this huge heart, full of you that I can be proud of...You used to be this sweet guy, who everyone love, that guy who everyone adores, that guy who I can always count on... Society does change you, remember how we used to fool around, laugh at the most random things, you used to be sooooooo nice.. I have no idea what got into you, is it only me, or its you who choose to change, act all grown up..If only I have the change to be exactly like what you want me to...fuckkk I was about to write something about us, but then this song pops out..wait lemme sing it for you "what can u do when you're good isn't good enough, and all that you touch tomble down..cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,I just wanna fix it somehow..but how many times will it takes, how many times will it takes for me to get it right....." remember how I used to sing for you, with my fugly voice...LOOOL

We were so young back then, we were 14! HA! Sometimes I do want to kill you, after all the pain you made, but then, I want you to go wild and be free, and find who you really are... You know me, I can never talk to someone who hurt my feeling, but when it comes to you..its just..different..I am one messed up bitch..still do get butterflies when I see you..By the way, have you ever feel left behind, feeling unwanted, ashamed, like no one wants you...people ignore you, people telling you, that you're not beautiful enough, well.. let me tell you this my dear, you're the only person who can make me feel beautiful everyday...even though I know sometimes..well sometimes..you're ashamed of me..lol shit happens, right? you told me that, no matter how many times we get in a fight, we can always make it through together... You know I will always got your back..with or without you knowing about it...I remember you telling me that you'll always be watching me..well guess what..now its my turn, to watch after you babe..

Hey There!

My Grandpa (RIP) and I

Two years ago, my grandpa passed away. Yesterday, everyone from my father side went to Medan to have family gathering...it's kind of traditional everyone come, eat and pray and all that. My mom and I could not make it, cause one of my cousins is getting engaged.. So my dad went by himself. Things change since he left. I used to have lack of self-confidence, I'd rather be alone than talk to everyone and they start judging me and then I got hurt and all that kind of stuff.. I used to always walk with my head down, and just avoid everyone and stay quite.. Some of you who already know me..you guys might find it impossible...LOL.. My grandpa always been the tough one in the family, people look up to him, they respect him so much.. sometimes he can be hard with people, but inside he's an angel...I never heard anyone talk bad things about my grandpa..My grandpa and I, we we're not that close, I don't see him everyday or talk to him everyday...I love him so much..every time he called me, I cried, I have no idea why. I do regret a lot of things since he left, how much I wish I call him every now and then, I have to admit that I probably the worst granddaughter he ever had. Before God call him to come back home, I have never really ask him how is he doing or where he is, never really cared. Never made him proud either. He loved, cared for everyone around him, but his own granddaughter don't even bother ask how he was doing. If only I have one more chance to make him proud of me, I would do anything. If only God give me one more chance to make him laugh...He taught me how to spread my wings and fly, how to always be myself and not caring about other people talk about you. To always respect others and never take anyone for granted, to still love your enemies, to make mistakes and learn from it, he's my forever love. I remember that day, I was hospitalized and then he called, he promised me an island, but first I need to be healthy or healed. He do know how to cheer me up, to always make me smile in any kind of way. And come that day when my aunt called my mom telling her that my grandpa just got in the operation room, in Singapore, he had heart problem. He got out okay...my eldest cousin from my dad's side called him...my cousin said he still fool around, asked everyone not to cry.. When I heard that, I burst out crying even more 'cause I have no clue he had an operation that day, I would have call him.. you know....So then I fell asleep that night.. I remember 3 in the morning my mom woke me up and said "He's gone now..." I was crying so hard can't understand why, theres a lot of voices in my head that I can't understand, in the middle of it I heard whispers saying "he's job is done, you can calm down now" I love him so much, it hurts...

HARROOOO!

Hey everyone, what isss uppp y'all?? I'm Apollonia Yobel Hasian Panggabean but you can call me Lonia or Loni or Lon.. whatever it doesn't matter though. I honestly don't know what I'm doing LOL. Soooo I am 17 year old girl who live in a priiitey cool house, I have one little brother and amazing parents who spoiled me most of the time but still keep me as a humble human being. I am a 100% proud Christian. I loveeee the color pink and I love leopard print.. I originally made from........God knows where but I was born and raised in Jakarta, Indonesia. I was currently graduated from Bunda Mulia International School.. I always wanted to write a blog cause I love writing..well in this case its actually 'typing' but anyways.. I ask my amazing gorgeous good looking daddy if I can write a blog, and he said no and life goes on until last week. One of my teacher ask me what do I want to be in the future I said I wanna be like my dad, I want to be a journalist, he asked me whether I have a blog or not and I said no, he said I have to start to make one. So I did, around an hour ago.

Guys, pardon my english..aight? its not my everyday language so yea..I wanted to write in bahasa but then sometimes I don't make any senses..but I promise you guys I'll write some in bahasa.

I look super annoying in that picture, but whatevsss.. thats my mom and I..We're not photogenic.. we look so much alike in real life.. a little.. Sooo lemme tell you when I decide that I want to be a journalist, I think its last summer..not sure but its around that time though.. I love writing always have since I'm in 6th grade. 

Since 6th grade my English teacher like to give us a tittle or like an object or something like that, and make a story out of it, for like only two paragraph and I end up writing two paper.. I got carried away, so then every time something random pops out of my mind I can make a story out of it. Soo yeaaa.. I will write a lot of random things on my blog, well not literally random but I might write some kind of a story, with my own language not with a proper English or anything like that. But for now I will tell you some of my personal life..hope you guys enjoyyyyyy and love my blog! don't forget to follow aight??Correct me if I'm wrong...lots of loveee,Godbless XXOO