Hey There!

My Grandpa (RIP) and I

Two years ago, my grandpa passed away. Yesterday, everyone from my father side went to Medan to have family gathering...it's kind of traditional everyone come, eat and pray and all that. My mom and I could not make it, cause one of my cousins is getting engaged.. So my dad went by himself. Things change since he left. I used to have lack of self-confidence, I'd rather be alone than talk to everyone and they start judging me and then I got hurt and all that kind of stuff.. I used to always walk with my head down, and just avoid everyone and stay quite.. Some of you who already know me..you guys might find it impossible...LOL.. My grandpa always been the tough one in the family, people look up to him, they respect him so much.. sometimes he can be hard with people, but inside he's an angel...I never heard anyone talk bad things about my grandpa..My grandpa and I, we we're not that close, I don't see him everyday or talk to him everyday...I love him so much..every time he called me, I cried, I have no idea why. I do regret a lot of things since he left, how much I wish I call him every now and then, I have to admit that I probably the worst granddaughter he ever had. Before God call him to come back home, I have never really ask him how is he doing or where he is, never really cared. Never made him proud either. He loved, cared for everyone around him, but his own granddaughter don't even bother ask how he was doing. If only I have one more chance to make him proud of me, I would do anything. If only God give me one more chance to make him laugh...He taught me how to spread my wings and fly, how to always be myself and not caring about other people talk about you. To always respect others and never take anyone for granted, to still love your enemies, to make mistakes and learn from it, he's my forever love. I remember that day, I was hospitalized and then he called, he promised me an island, but first I need to be healthy or healed. He do know how to cheer me up, to always make me smile in any kind of way. And come that day when my aunt called my mom telling her that my grandpa just got in the operation room, in Singapore, he had heart problem. He got out okay...my eldest cousin from my dad's side called him...my cousin said he still fool around, asked everyone not to cry.. When I heard that, I burst out crying even more 'cause I have no clue he had an operation that day, I would have call him.. you know....So then I fell asleep that night.. I remember 3 in the morning my mom woke me up and said "He's gone now..." I was crying so hard can't understand why, theres a lot of voices in my head that I can't understand, in the middle of it I heard whispers saying "he's job is done, you can calm down now" I love him so much, it hurts...