Oh, it's nothing..really

I need you to look at me in the eye and tell me that everything is going to be alright, that I have nothing to be afraid of, that you'll love me forever with all your life..I become greedy and selfish when it comes to you. You know that I love you, I always have. You know that leaving me would only make me more miserable, you know that you're the only person I trust, you do know that only the thought of you leaving me, scared me to death. I'm not perfect, I make a lot of mistake, I know I should learn from my mistakes..I know I'm not a great girlfriend, but I can try to be one..you know...I can try...to be perfect, for you..I have nothing to be proud of, one thing I can be sure of, I have this huge heart, full of you that I can be proud of...You used to be this sweet guy, who everyone love, that guy who everyone adores, that guy who I can always count on... Society does change you, remember how we used to fool around, laugh at the most random things, you used to be sooooooo nice.. I have no idea what got into you, is it only me, or its you who choose to change, act all grown up..If only I have the change to be exactly like what you want me to...fuckkk I was about to write something about us, but then this song pops out..wait lemme sing it for you "what can u do when you're good isn't good enough, and all that you touch tomble down..cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,I just wanna fix it somehow..but how many times will it takes, how many times will it takes for me to get it right....." remember how I used to sing for you, with my fugly voice...LOOOL

We were so young back then, we were 14! HA! Sometimes I do want to kill you, after all the pain you made, but then, I want you to go wild and be free, and find who you really are... You know me, I can never talk to someone who hurt my feeling, but when it comes to you..its just..different..I am one messed up bitch..still do get butterflies when I see you..By the way, have you ever feel left behind, feeling unwanted, ashamed, like no one wants you...people ignore you, people telling you, that you're not beautiful enough, well.. let me tell you this my dear, you're the only person who can make me feel beautiful everyday...even though I know sometimes..well sometimes..you're ashamed of me..lol shit happens, right? you told me that, no matter how many times we get in a fight, we can always make it through together... You know I will always got your back..with or without you knowing about it...I remember you telling me that you'll always be watching me..well guess what..now its my turn, to watch after you babe..

Hey There!

My Grandpa (RIP) and I

Two years ago, my grandpa passed away. Yesterday, everyone from my father side went to Medan to have family gathering...it's kind of traditional everyone come, eat and pray and all that. My mom and I could not make it, cause one of my cousins is getting engaged.. So my dad went by himself. Things change since he left. I used to have lack of self-confidence, I'd rather be alone than talk to everyone and they start judging me and then I got hurt and all that kind of stuff.. I used to always walk with my head down, and just avoid everyone and stay quite.. Some of you who already know me..you guys might find it impossible...LOL.. My grandpa always been the tough one in the family, people look up to him, they respect him so much.. sometimes he can be hard with people, but inside he's an angel...I never heard anyone talk bad things about my grandpa..My grandpa and I, we we're not that close, I don't see him everyday or talk to him everyday...I love him so much..every time he called me, I cried, I have no idea why. I do regret a lot of things since he left, how much I wish I call him every now and then, I have to admit that I probably the worst granddaughter he ever had. Before God call him to come back home, I have never really ask him how is he doing or where he is, never really cared. Never made him proud either. He loved, cared for everyone around him, but his own granddaughter don't even bother ask how he was doing. If only I have one more chance to make him proud of me, I would do anything. If only God give me one more chance to make him laugh...He taught me how to spread my wings and fly, how to always be myself and not caring about other people talk about you. To always respect others and never take anyone for granted, to still love your enemies, to make mistakes and learn from it, he's my forever love. I remember that day, I was hospitalized and then he called, he promised me an island, but first I need to be healthy or healed. He do know how to cheer me up, to always make me smile in any kind of way. And come that day when my aunt called my mom telling her that my grandpa just got in the operation room, in Singapore, he had heart problem. He got out okay...my eldest cousin from my dad's side called him...my cousin said he still fool around, asked everyone not to cry.. When I heard that, I burst out crying even more 'cause I have no clue he had an operation that day, I would have call him.. you know....So then I fell asleep that night.. I remember 3 in the morning my mom woke me up and said "He's gone now..." I was crying so hard can't understand why, theres a lot of voices in my head that I can't understand, in the middle of it I heard whispers saying "he's job is done, you can calm down now" I love him so much, it hurts...

HARROOOO!

Hey everyone, what isss uppp y'all?? I'm Apollonia Yobel Hasian Panggabean but you can call me Lonia or Loni or Lon.. whatever it doesn't matter though. I honestly don't know what I'm doing LOL. Soooo I am 17 year old girl who live in a priiitey cool house, I have one little brother and amazing parents who spoiled me most of the time but still keep me as a humble human being. I am a 100% proud Christian. I loveeee the color pink and I love leopard print.. I originally made from........God knows where but I was born and raised in Jakarta, Indonesia. I was currently graduated from Bunda Mulia International School.. I always wanted to write a blog cause I love writing..well in this case its actually 'typing' but anyways.. I ask my amazing gorgeous good looking daddy if I can write a blog, and he said no and life goes on until last week. One of my teacher ask me what do I want to be in the future I said I wanna be like my dad, I want to be a journalist, he asked me whether I have a blog or not and I said no, he said I have to start to make one. So I did, around an hour ago.

Guys, pardon my english..aight? its not my everyday language so yea..I wanted to write in bahasa but then sometimes I don't make any senses..but I promise you guys I'll write some in bahasa.

I look super annoying in that picture, but whatevsss.. thats my mom and I..We're not photogenic.. we look so much alike in real life.. a little.. Sooo lemme tell you when I decide that I want to be a journalist, I think its last summer..not sure but its around that time though.. I love writing always have since I'm in 6th grade. 

Since 6th grade my English teacher like to give us a tittle or like an object or something like that, and make a story out of it, for like only two paragraph and I end up writing two paper.. I got carried away, so then every time something random pops out of my mind I can make a story out of it. Soo yeaaa.. I will write a lot of random things on my blog, well not literally random but I might write some kind of a story, with my own language not with a proper English or anything like that. But for now I will tell you some of my personal life..hope you guys enjoyyyyyy and love my blog! don't forget to follow aight??Correct me if I'm wrong...lots of loveee,Godbless XXOO